I have reinvented myself more times than Madonna. Every reinvention has brought me closer to who I am by (after countless failures) demonstrating to me who I was not.
Just like so many who have come before me, I fell into the trap of trying to be “perfect”.
I tried to change (aka improve) myself countless times in an attempt to beg approval and love from others. I thought if I were thinner, I’d be loved. If I were prettier, I’d be loved. If I were smarter, I’d be loved. If I were more spiritual, I’d be loved. And perhaps worst of all, I assumed that if I turned myself into a doormat in the name of my own goodness – using the energy and time granted me in this life to do everything that everyone else wanted… I’d be loved. I spent so much time breathlessly chasing this elusive thing called love that I had become a living, walking, breathing caricature of myself… and I was miserable, tired and frustrated that life never seemed to give me anything that I wanted.
After a lifetime of trying to measure my value based upon the scales of popular opinion, I had twisted myself to fit into the expectations of others so many times that I’d completely lost sight of how magnificent I truly was when I was just simply being “me”.
Yes… THAT me. The good ‘ol sleepy, creative, good natured, sensitive, generous, dramatic, eccentric, follow-the-beat-of-my-own-drum, always late, ME.
It was only after I lost everything: my tight grip on reality, my resources, my heart, my hope, all ability to function in the world in any acceptable cookie cutter manner during a four year long “spiritual awakening” that I got to rediscover myself and rebuild myself (as I wished) bit by bit.
It was the hardest gift and the greatest gift, all at the same time.
Through this process, and being lucky enough to have an amazing mentor of my own, I’ve graduated from the girl my mother raised me to be, society raised me to be, education, culture and religion raised me to be… into the (ever evolving) woman that my soul DREAMT I could be when it decided that it wanted to be born as Rebecca Tinkle, a young girl raised in the ghetto of Colorado.
(Yes, Colorado actually has a ghetto…)
We all have our story. And we all have parts of our history that still hurt us or hold us back. But we also have something else… we have the unique and innate greatness of our original human spirit. This is the place that exists beneath the static of daily life, below our array of self (and world) defining thought, below the personality, below past experiences… it is a goldmine of genius, creative power, independence and ultimate self love that can usually be found at the exact place where your unique characteristics and “so-called flaws” exist. This is the valley of our human existence that most men fear to tread… and, ironically, it’s the place where the elevator to the proverbial mountaintop of human consciousness exists.
Everything that I do… books I write, workshops, lectures, videos, meditations, blogs, private sessions… they all point to one pivotal decision every human must make: Climb the mountain or take the elevator.